Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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