your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My friends, they love my intelligence
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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