dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
