Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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