is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
