WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dick very happy bro
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
