When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
