The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
