Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
