i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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