Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
