apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
