i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
