Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
