i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
