Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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