so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
