after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
