i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
