he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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