Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
