But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
