what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
