but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
