Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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