She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
