Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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