Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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