"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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