Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
