My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
