I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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