I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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