is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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