This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize