ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
