Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
