Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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