All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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