the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
