I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize