it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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