he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
