So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
