I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
