he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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