Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
