i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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