probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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