I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
