so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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