I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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