she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
