Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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