You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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