I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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