so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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