he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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