____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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