I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
