i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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