Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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