Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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