I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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