i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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