Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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