Need sex. Gaining weight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm at about main and main street
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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