so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
