The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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